Yo Mama Jokes

Yo Mama's So Big

2009-09-02T12:31:00.000-07:00

-Yo mama's so big, that she climbed Mt. Fuji with one step.

-Yo mama's so big, her belly button's got an echo.

-Yo mama's so big, she can't wear an X jacket cause helicopters kept landing on her back.

-Yo mama's so big, she rollerskates on busses.

-Yo mama's so big, she thought Barnum & Bailey were clothing designers.

-Yo mama's so big, she uses a jungle gym for a walker.

-Yo mama's so big, she uses bowling balls for earrings.

-Yo mama's so big, she uses the interstate for a Slip `n Slide.

-Yo mama's so big, she whistles bass.

-Yo mama's so big, that they had to change "One size fit's all" to "One size fits most"

-Yo mama's so big, they had to paint a stripe down her back to see if she was walking or rolling.

-Yo mama's so big, when I fingered her I lost a watch and two rings!

-Yo mama's so big, when she bent down to tie her shoes, her face got burnt from re-entry.

-Yo mama's so big, when she goes in the water at the beach she changes the tide.

-Yo mama's so big, when she stands up the sun goes out.

-Yo mama's so big, when she went to the airport and said she wanted to fly they stamped Goodyear on her and sent her out to the runway.

-Yo mama's so big, when you climb on top of her your ears pop

Latest Yo Mama Jokes

2009-07-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

Yo mama so fat when she sit down we have to add another country to the map
Rich Milner

Yo Mama so ugly when she was a baby they stuck her in a corner and fed her with a slingshot.
Yo mam so ugly she grabbed for the remote and it jumped off the couch
From Dawn R

Yo mama's like a pirate, there she blows

Yo mama is so fat she has three shirt sizes, jumbo, humongus, and "OH MY GOD IT'S COMING TOWARDS US!!"
from Birdie Brown

Yo mama so poor i saw her kicking a can down the street and asked her what she was doing she said moving.
Yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed with her to see how long she slept.
Yo mama's so damn stupid on a job application it said "sex" and she wrote Monday wednesday and sometimes friday.
from Iffath Firzana aka Da Sexy Hooka

Paris and Rico walked into the locker room holding his side and bending over. Paris says "ow man im so sore" Dario asks " whats wrong?" Paris replies " man yo mama was rough last night" Rico adds " she needs to loosen up"
from LaL08Kb12004

Yo mama such a dirty whore that they're having to paternity test the whole state of Texas just to find out who yo daddy is!
from HumorSphere

Yo mamma so old that in the back seat of your car, kids don't say 'Are we there yet', they scream, 'Is she Dead yet!'
from HumorSphere

Yo mamas so hairy wen u were born u almost died of rugburn
from Ted M Nugent

Yo mama smells so bad, when she went to make friends with a skunk, the skunk got hit by a truck on purpose!
from Melissa

Yo mama so stupid she got locked in a bathroom and nearly pissed her
pants
Yo mama so fat her logo is "we are family, burger king, mc donalds and
me..."
Yo mama so fat she has all the food caterers on speed dial
from Ross Yates

Yo mama is so big she tripped over wal-mart and landed on target and evey time she passes by the t.v. i miss a seoson of friends
from Yo You Cool

Your mommas so old someone told her to act her age and she died
from MeMe

Yo mama so poor that when i stepped on a cigarette she cried, hey, who turned off the heater.
from Chris Matian

Your sister is so ugly she reminds me of your mom.
from Yosvaldo

Yo mamma so ugly, yo daddy would rather kiss her ass before going work everyday
from Raynell Roberts

Your moms so ugly the mailman mistacked her as the dog.
fromneimanoriginals

You mama so fat she stepped on an airplane and it turned into a submarine
from Spfazzini

This is a fact, yo mama's breath Is wack, she needs a tic, not a tac, but the whole damn pack
I don't mean to be mean, but yo mama needs listerine, not a sip, not a swallow, but the whole damn bottle.
from Alyssa Rosemond

Yo Mama's teeth are so yellow, cars slow down when she smiles!
Yo Mama's breath is so bad, she made a tic tac run away!
from Heather

Your jokes are so corny that the corns on your toes got jealous.
Yo mama so ugly when she looked out the window she was arrested for 1st degree murder.
from Geb Berde

Yo mama like a fast food restaraunt - quick and easy!!!
from Womack

Yo moma is so fat when it rains she uses a highway for a slip 'n' slide
from Michael Ryan

Yo mamma so damn fat that when she traveled back to the dinosaur times and she took a step the dinosaurs said what the hell is happing...oh sh*t its a real damn earthquake.
from Haley Bumm

Your mama so stupid when she saw a kid dress as a devil in halloween she thouth she was in hell
from Big J

Yo Momma's so ugly, even Sloth from the Goonies wouldn't date her.
from Humorsphere

Yo mama like a shotgun - five cocks and shes loaded
from Zane Powell

Yo Mamma so damn ugly she makes Anne Ramsey look like J Lo.
from Humorsphere

Yo' mamma so ugly she got arrested for vandalizing a mirror shop.
from Game Fisher

Yo mama so stupid she put a peep hole in a glass door
from MJ Dennis

Yo mama like nascar - two rubbers and shes ready to ride.
from Nancy Decatur

Yo mama's so ugly, she made a blind man cry!
from Gill Gill

Yo mamma so old, fat and hairy, that when she took you to the zoo the zookeepers thought a silverback Gorilla had abducted you!
from Humorsphere

Yo mama so fat, that when u were born, they had 2 send out a search party to find ya!
from jamie p

Yo mama soooo ugly, she works as a double for Saddam Hussein.
from Humorsphere

Yo moma so stupid if she would to speak her mind she would be speachless
PRETTYBOY1008

Yo mama soooo poor she can't even pay attention!
from She Devil

Yo kid brother so damn ugly that the kids at school have started saying, "Hey Gollum, give us your autograph"
from Humorsphere

Yo mama so0o0o fat, one day she walked out with a yellow rain jacket on and the children began yelling, "Hey, the School Bus is here!"
from She Devil

Yo mama so0o0o fat, she takes baths in the Atlantic Ocean
from She Devil

Listen buddy, your mommy is so freakin dumb that if you told her pappa was a rolling stone, she'd tell her momma to put mick jagger on child support!
from Mista Jodyson

Yo Momma so damn fat the Police where going to use her as an emergency air mattress when Michael Jackson started dangling his baby.
from Bubbles, the Humorsphere Chimp

Hey, yo momma so damn fat when her beeper goes off people turn around to see if she is backin up!!
from Mike Whitlow

Yo moma so fat when she wears a yellow rain coat all the people yell "taxi"
from She Devil

Yo mama's so damn fat that when she was kidnapped her face covered every side of the milk carton!
from Dawn K

You so ugly when a friend walked you into school the teachers said sorry no pets aloud!
from TFLM 2000

Your Mama so dumb she brought a spoon to the super bowl.
from TFLM 2000

Yo Mama's so damn ugly that she turned your dad gay.
from Teresa M Malca

Yo mama's so bald, Mr. Clean got jealous.
from Teresa M Malca

Hey, your Momma is so sluttie I'd call her a hoe but hoes' get paid.
from B. W. Burline

Yo Mamas so damn greasy that she has to use bacon for a bandaid.
from B. W. Burline

Yo' mama so dumb she got locked inside Matress World and slept on the floor.
from Sergio Aleman

Yomomma so hairy that when she puts her arm to her side it looks like she has Don King in a headlock.
from Sergio Aleman

Yo mama so stupid that she got stabbed in a shoot out.
from Sergio Aleman

Yo mama so fat that when she went to sea world the little kids ran away and told their parents that a whale escaped.
from Sergio Aleman

Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
from Kerry Scott

Yo mama so stupid she sat on the tv and watched the couch.
from Mr Mundotr

Yo' Mamma is so fat she uses a VHS as a beeper!
from Kerry Scott

Your mama's so fat the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale!
from AclHug

Yo Mama so damn old she used to Gang Bang with the Flintstones and had an affair with Captain Caveman.
from Jimbo Paul

Yo mamas so fat she shoved a battery up her ass and yelled "I got the Power!".
from CloseToAnguish

Yo mama so stupid and clumsy, she got tangled in a cordless phone.
from WVscrgrl7

Yo mama soooo fat, she put on a yellow dress and the kids thought she was the school bus.
from WVscrgrl7

Yo' Sista's just like a like a Popsicle - everybody wants a fuckin lick!
from Mr Fook Yu

Yo Mamma's so hairy she just got an armpit trim and lost 20 pounds!
from Ms Fook Mi

Yo Moma sooooo ugly, I could have been yo Daddy but the dog beat me under the fence!
from Kelly-Jo

Yo momma is soooooo stupid, she wears a t-shirt that says "hukd on fonicks woorkd fo mi"
from Kelly-Jo

Yo mam like a screen door - after a couple of bangs she tends to loosen up.
from Default

Yo mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and made Skittles!
from Queenb12

Yo mama so stupid she puts a ruler on her pillow to see how long she slept
from LowRider

I heard that Yo mama is on the warpath - she lost a finger and now can't count past 9...

Yo mama so nasty when she masterbates, she gets arrested for cruelty to animals.
from A Blanchard

Yo mama's blind and is seeing another man.

Yo mama's glasses are so damn thick she can see into the future.

Yo mama's so old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp.

You gotta tell yo moma to stop changing lipstick color - I'm now getting a freakin Rainbow on my d**k!

Yo sista so damn stupid on her last job application where it said 'Sex?' she marked "M, F, and occasionally on a Thursday too.."

You' big brother so damn stupid that on his last job application, under emergency contact he put 999 (911).

Yo mam is so stupid - I just aks her about her X-Men and she said: "Well, my first baby's daddy was Jimmy...and I still see Johnny on Fridays...."

Yo Grannie so stupid she thought Sherlock Holmes was a housing project.

Yo Mother in law's teeth are so yellow, Dorothy and Toto thought it was the Yellow Brick Road.

Yo Momma's like a Snickers bar - packed full with with nuts.

Yo ex-girlfriend's like Humpty Dumpty... first she gets humped, then she gets dumped.

Yo mama's like a race car driver...she burns a lot of rubbers...

Yo Auntie just like the Suez Canal - Vessels full of Seamen passing through everyday...

Yo gilfriends's afro so damb big, when the bitch got in my car everyone thought I had tinted windows.

Yo Mama ass so huge she take up 5 rows in the cinema...

Yo Papa's so short, he tried to commit suicide with a pin.

Yo Grannie's so enormous that when she went to the drycleaners to hand in her underwear, they put up a sign - 'NO PARACHUTES ALLOWED'

You Biology teacher so freakin stupid she thinks that DNA is the National Dyslexics Association.

Yo' best friend so idiotic she thoughtt Menopause was a button on her walkman.

You Momma so fat and stupid that her waist is bigger than her I.Q.

Tell Yo' girlfriend my Dog wanna know how much he owes her for last night...

Yo' papa so damn strange that he invented a water-proof teabag.

Yo mother in law so bald that when she put on a sweater, folk thought she was a roll on deoderant!

Did you know flies were given wings so that they could beat yo mama to the dump?

I heard yo house was made out of bog paper - why? cuz your whole family full of crap!

Yo kid brother so fat and ugly Peter Jackson offered him the part of the Cave Troll in lord of the rings

You Nose so damn big that we use yer snotters as Footballs.

Yo Momma so mad that she even made Kurt Russell escape from LA.

Yo Nana so ghetto she washes paper plates.

Oi, yo need to tell you mama to stop wearing the blue lipstick...I got balls like a smurf now!

You so skinny, you turned sideways and disappeared.

Yo mama's so bald, when she braids her hair, it remind me of stitches.

Yo Mama so fat when she steps on a scale it reads "One at a time, please".

Yo mama so fat and stupid that she was fired from Forrest Gump cuz she kept eating the box of chocolates.

Yo Sista so fat the National Weather Agency assigns names to her farts.

Yo Mama so poor that she uses tumbleweed as a Xmas tree.

You Mommy so hairy she's got afros on her nipples.

Yo' mama breath so disgustingly bad that she needs Freshmints with batteries in it

Yo Papa's like an old arcade machine - toss in a quarter and you can play with his joystick.

Yo mama such a bitch, she interned for Clinton.

Yo Mama's So Skinny

2009-07-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

Yo mama so skinny she hula hoops with a cheerio

Yo mama so skinny she has to wear a belt with spandex.

Yo mama so skinny she turned sideways and dissapeared.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Yo Mama's so skinny, when she takes a bath and lets the water out, her toes get caught in the drain.

Yo Mama's so shinny, she had to stand in the same place twice to cast a shadow.

Yo Mama's so skinny, I gave her a piece of popcorn and she went into a coma.

Yo Mama's so skinny, if she had a yeast infection she'd be a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

Yo Mama's so skinny, you can save her from drowning by tossing her a Cheerio.

Yo Mama's so skinny, I could blind-fold her with dental floss.

Yo Mama's so skinny, her nipples touch.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she can see out the peephole with both eyes.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she can dodge rain drops.

Yo Mama's so skinny, if she had dreads I'd grab her by the ankles and use her to mop the floor.

Yo Mama's so skinny, instead of calling her your parent, you call her transparent.

Yo Mama's so skinny, her bra fits better backward.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she swallowed a meatball and thought she was pregnant.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she uses Chapstick for deodorant.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she uses a Band-Aid as a maxi-pad.

Yo Mama's so skinny and flat, she's the only woman in the world with two backs.

Yo Mama's so skinny, she inspires crack whores to diet.

Yo Mama's Teeth

2009-07-30T10:11:00.000-07:00

Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, her front tooth says "Next tooth one mile."

Yo mama's teeth are so gapped, b*tch has to floss with a garden hose.

Yo mama's teeth are so big and gapped, I could run hurdles with them.

Yo mama's teeth are so black, it looks like she's been eatin' coal.

When I looked at Yo mama's teeth, I didn't know whether to smile or to kick a field goal.

Yo mama's got summer teeth... summer in her mouth and summer in her pocket.

Yo mama's got three teeth... one in her mouth and two in her pocket.

Yo mama's got so many teeth missing, it looks like her tongue is in jail.

Yo mama's got two gold teeth, one says 24k and the other says "Believe that shit if you want to."

Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she has to suck my dick sideways.

Yo mama's gold tooth is so fake, her whole mouth turned green.

Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, she uses them to cut chain at the hardware store.

Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles it looks like her tongue is in jail.

Yo mama's teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Yo mama's got snakeskin teeth.

Yo mama's so toothless, when she couldn't eat an apple, she just gummed it to death.

Yo mama's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.

Yo mama's got one tooth in front and one in the back talkin' `bout "Give me a bite."

Yo mama's missing so many teeth, you can play checkers on her mouth.

Yo mama's teeth are so big, I thought they were piano keys.

Yo mama's teeth are so big, it looks like her mom had an affair with Mr. Ed.

Yo mama's teeth are so big, her dentist charges her by the tooth.

Yo mama's teeth are so big, when she sneezed she bit a hole in her chest.

Yo mama's teeth are so nasty, they make Yuck Mouth afraid of the cavity creeps.

Yo mama's teeth are so crooked, when she smiles her mouth looks like its throwin' up gang signs.

Yo mama's got shark teeth.

Yo Mama's So Nasty

2009-07-30T09:55:00.001-07:00

Yo mama so nasty she made speed stick slow down.

Yo mama so nasty she brings crabs to the beach.

Yo mama so nasty she made right guard turn left.

Yo mama so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave

Yo mama so nasty she has to creep up on bathwater.

Yo mama so nasty that pours salt water down her pants to keep her crabs fresh.

Yo mama so nasty I called her to say hello, and she ended up giving me an ear infection.

Yo Mama : About

2009-06-16T01:08:00.001-07:00

Yo Mama Is A Show On MTV... The Search For The Best trashtalker In The US (Till Now), Hosted by Wilmer Velderamma n guys...

Finally Yo Anything

2009-06-14T06:29:00.000-07:00

-Yo Star Trek nerd so hairy she make Chewbacca look like Jean Luc Picard.

-Your house is so disgusting that I tripped over a rat, got bitten by a tarantula and to top it off - the cockroaches nicked ma wallet...

-I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest wilderbeast.

-I could have been Yo daddy, but the gorilla in front of me in line didn't use a condom.

-If yo Momma n Poppa got a divorce, heck, they'd still be Brother and Sister.

-Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the living room, the radio skips.

I got on the train last night - they had a new sign up reading - "Maximum Occupancy: 200 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

-Yo grannie's so fat, on each of her butt cheeks she has "Place Your Ad Here" printed.

-Yo mama's a stunt double for the Predator.

-Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty.

-Yo sista so fat that she gets runs in her Levi's.

-Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a Triet - She's all like - "Whatever yo eating ... I'll try it!"

-Yo Mother in law's so fat, she was floating in the Atlantic ocean and Spain claimed her as a New World.

-Yo mama's so fat, she gobbles down Cookies as if they were tic-tacs.

-Your moma's so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

-Yo mama's so large, she went to get an all over tan and the sun burned out...

-Your mamma's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.

-Yo AOL buddy so stupid when the Computer said 'Press any key to continue', she phoned support complaing she couldn't find the 'any' key...

-Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

-You mama's so daft she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.

-Yo Cousin so stupid that when I said I was going to Thailand she asked me if they still sold Kippers....

-Your so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about ya!

-Yo Nana so ugly she didn't get hit with an ugly stick, but with THE ugly log.

-I was speaking to your parents - they told me you was such an ugly baby they had to feed you with a slingshot.

-Yo' kid brother so hairy, when I took him to the zoo the gorillas went ape shit thinking I had stole one of their babies...

-Yo mama only got 1 finger and runs around stealing key rings.

-Yo auntie Ethel's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.

-Yo mama's like the new AOL 7.0: Fast, fun, oh so easy and you get 100 hours FREE.

-Yo brother's mouth so damn enormous, he speaks in Dolby surround sound!

-Yo girlfriend's hips are so big, folk set their drinks on them.

-Your Noggin's so damn big you gotta wash yer hair in the Niagra Falls...

-Yo Mama's so freakin nasty, I talked to her over the PC and she gave me a virus.

-Yo M....ah, screw it...I actually love yo Mamma...she reminds me of this ads about girls on sites...cheap, dirty and you can play with her for hours.........

Yo Mama's So Smelly

2009-06-14T06:24:00.000-07:00

-the government make her wear a Biohazard warning.

-she made Right Guard call for backup.

-even the dogs won't smell her.

-an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"

-that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...

-she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.

-her poo is glad to escape.

-that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!

-that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...

-that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...

-even sewer rats get outta her way...

-that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...

Yo Momma so Dirty

-she has to creep up on the bath water.

-that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.

-that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.

-she lost 2 stone after taking a showerthat even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.

-that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.

Yo Momma so Greasy

-Texaco buy oil from her.

-she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...

-her freckles slipped off.

-the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry.

-she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forhead.

-her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

-she uses bacon as a band aid.

Yo Mama's Like

2009-06-14T06:20:00.000-07:00

-a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.

-a bus - only 50 pence a ride

-a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!

-a shotgun - first she cocks...then she blows.

-a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...

-a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go.

-an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds.

-a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!

-the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.

-a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.

-Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.

-a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...

-a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.

-McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...

-a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.

-the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her.

-a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it.

-peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

-is like an ATM machine - open 24 hours...

-like a 7-11...open 24 hours for your convenience...

-a chicken coop - cocks flyin in and out all day...

-a squirrel - she always got some nuts in her mouth...

-the Bermuda triangle...they swallow a whole lotta seamen.

-Penny...she ain't worth two bob.

-Library - open to the public.

-Blockbuster Video - everybody goes home happy.

-a birthday cake - everybody gets a piece...

-a fine restaraunt - she only take deliviries in rear...

Yo Mama Has Got

2009-06-14T06:16:00.000-07:00

-has 10 fingers -- all on the same hand.

-has green hair and thinks she's a Tree.

-has a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.

-has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavershas one short leg and that why she always walking in circles...

-has a major weight problem - she can't wait...to eat.

-got a house that's so dusty, the Cockroaches drive around in Dune Buggiesgot a glass eye with a fish in it.

-got so much hair on her upper lip she has to braid itgot so much dandruff that a Midgie landed on her head and said: "Christ, I aint' seen this much snow in years."

-got so much hair on her chest that her Breasts remind me of Coconuts...

-is a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail...

Yo Mama's So Old

2009-06-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

-she left her purse on Noah's Ark.

-Jurassic Park brought back the memories...

-when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.

-she still owes Moses a dollar.when she was at school...

-there was No history class!she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Teashe co-wrote the 4th Commandment.

-when I asked for her ID she handed me a rockshe even made Yoda jealous.

-she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cakewhen she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.

-she sat in front of Jesus in 1st gradeher first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

-her birthday expired.

-when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!

-she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

Yo Mama's So Poor

2009-06-14T01:08:00.000-07:00

-that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

-they put her photo on food stamps.

-when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

-she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

-burglars break into her home and leave money.

-when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

-the building society repossed her cardboard box.

-she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

-each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingersshe can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

-when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.

-I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

-when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'

-I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."

-I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

-I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."

-only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...

-when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."

-she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

-closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...

-she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

-I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"

-I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"

-I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

-she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

-when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"

-Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!!

-Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box!

-Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

-Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

-Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

-Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

-Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

-Yo Momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r.

-Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

-Yo Momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

-Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

-Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

-Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

-Yo Momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

-Yo Momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

-Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

-Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food
stamps.

-Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

-Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut.

-Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

-Yo Momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

-Yo Momma so poor you go out for sunday pushes of the skateboard Do you know the story
about the little old woman that lives in a shoe?

-Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop!

-Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.

-Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch,
and dinner!"

-Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."

-Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet!

Yo Mama's So Fat

2009-06-14T01:03:00.000-07:00

-when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

-she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

-folk exercise by jogging around her!

-when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

-she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy.

-she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

-NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer.

-she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...small objects orbit her.

-she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

-when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

-when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

-she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

-when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

-she could be the eighth continent.

-she nearly put Safeway out of businessthe only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

-her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

-when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

-she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

-her fave food is seconds.her belt size is Equator.

-she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lidshe wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on hershe shows up on radar.

-she needs a map to find her butt.

-she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!

-she wears an asteroid belt.

-her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'

-she has TB ... 2 bellys.

-she's once, twice, three times a lady.

-she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

-the circus use her as a trampoline.

-stunt agencies use her as an air mattress.

-when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'

-she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen.

-she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

-she deep fries her toothpaste.

-So fat she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt!

-Yo Momma so fat, they call her WIDE 2K!

-Yo Momma so fat, she lays in the driveway to put on her underwear.

-Yo Momma so fat, when the house burned down we had to use her underwear for a tent.

-Yo Momma so fat, her picture takes two frames.

-Yo Momma so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.

-Yo Momma so fat, she could sell shade.

-Yo Momma so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

-Yo Momma so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

-Yo Momma so fat, we ran around her twice and got lost.

-Yo Momma so fat, I gotta take ten steps back just to see all of her.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.Y

-o Momma so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.

-Yo Momma so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."

-Yo Momma so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.

Yo Mama's So Stupid

2009-06-14T00:51:00.000-07:00

-she kills a bird by throwing it from the cliff!!

-she kills a fish by drownling it!!

-I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

-she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winnershe took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

-she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

-it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

-when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

-she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

-she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

-she sold her Car for Petrol cash!she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

-she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

-she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

-she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

-I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

-it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

-she invented a silent car alarm.

-that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the oceanshe really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

-she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

-she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

-she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

-she lost her shadow.she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

-she somehow got fired from a Blow-Jobshe thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

-she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

-when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

Yo's ---- So Ugly

2009-06-14T00:42:00.000-07:00

-Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.

-Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs sh*t themselves.

-Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics.

-Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.

-Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.

-Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.

-Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.

-Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!

-Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.

-You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

-Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.

-Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.

-Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!

-Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!

-Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...

-Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?

-Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...

-Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.

-Yo Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.

-You Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.

-Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.

-Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.

-Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.

-Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.

-Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...

-Yo mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???

-Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.

-Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.

-Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair.

-Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...

-Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!

-Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!

-Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'

-Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.

-Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...

-Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.

-Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.

-Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.

-Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler.

-Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.

-Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.

-Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.

-Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...

-Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.

-Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama

-Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps.

-You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...

-Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.

-Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.

-Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.

-Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets.

-Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest.

-Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!

-Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.

-Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.

-Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.

-Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut.

-Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd grade.

-Yo Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.

-Yo Grandma's so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.

-Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!

-Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was...

-Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says 'You've got mail" she runs outside to wait for the Postman.

Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed.

-Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - 'Hundreds and thousands'.

-Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail.

-Yo mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!.

-Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section with a fishing rod.

-Yo Uncle so stupid...heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!

-Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield.

-Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice.

-Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...

-Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal injection.

-Your doctor's so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope.

Yo Mama's So Ugly

2009-06-14T00:34:00.000-07:00

-she put the Boogie man outta business.

-she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt.

-when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already...".

-when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'.

-she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!.

-minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her...".

-they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.

-when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!

-yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...

-she put Marilyn Manson out of business.

-she was a guard at Snake Mountainthey knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...

-even Harry Knowles refused to date her.

-they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!

-she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.

-Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.

-you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.

-she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.

-we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.

-I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.

-her shadow gave up.

-people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...

-her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.

-when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.

-hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.

-instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.

-they gave her a middle name...'accident'.

-she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.

-when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!

-even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...

-when she was born the Doc smacked her face.