Yo Mama : About

Yo Mama Is A Show On MTV... The Search For The Best trashtalker In The US (Till Now), Hosted by Wilmer Velderamma n guys...

Finally Yo Anything

-Yo Star Trek nerd so hairy she make Chewbacca look like Jean Luc Picard.

-Your house is so disgusting that I tripped over a rat, got bitten by a tarantula and to top it off - the cockroaches nicked ma wallet...

-I saw Yo mama at the freak show petting the world's largest wilderbeast.

-I could have been Yo daddy, but the gorilla in front of me in line didn't use a condom.

-If yo Momma n Poppa got a divorce, heck, they'd still be Brother and Sister.

-Yo mama's so fat that when she walks across the living room, the radio skips.

I got on the train last night - they had a new sign up reading - "Maximum Occupancy: 200 Patrons OR Yo Mama"

-Yo grannie's so fat, on each of her butt cheeks she has "Place Your Ad Here" printed.

-Yo mama's a stunt double for the Predator.

-Yo mama is so bad, when she got called for jury duty she was found guilty.

-Yo sista so fat that she gets runs in her Levi's.

-Yo mama's so fat, she ain't on a diet, she's on a Triet - She's all like - "Whatever yo eating ... I'll try it!"

-Yo Mother in law's so fat, she was floating in the Atlantic ocean and Spain claimed her as a New World.

-Yo mama's so fat, she gobbles down Cookies as if they were tic-tacs.

-Your moma's so stupid she thinks a 17 inch Admiral is a well hung sailor.

-Yo mama's so large, she went to get an all over tan and the sun burned out...

-Your mamma's so fat, the body snatchers called home for backup.

-Yo AOL buddy so stupid when the Computer said 'Press any key to continue', she phoned support complaing she couldn't find the 'any' key...

-Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest in India.

-You mama's so daft she thought Chubby Checkers was a game for fat people.

-Yo Cousin so stupid that when I said I was going to Thailand she asked me if they still sold Kippers....

-Your so ugly even the Elephant Man makes jokes about ya!

-Yo Nana so ugly she didn't get hit with an ugly stick, but with THE ugly log.

-I was speaking to your parents - they told me you was such an ugly baby they had to feed you with a slingshot.

-Yo' kid brother so hairy, when I took him to the zoo the gorillas went ape shit thinking I had stole one of their babies...

-Yo mama only got 1 finger and runs around stealing key rings.

-Yo auntie Ethel's so toothless, it took her an hour to eat minute rice.

-Yo mama's like the new AOL 7.0: Fast, fun, oh so easy and you get 100 hours FREE.

-Yo brother's mouth so damn enormous, he speaks in Dolby surround sound!

-Yo girlfriend's hips are so big, folk set their drinks on them.

-Your Noggin's so damn big you gotta wash yer hair in the Niagra Falls...

-Yo Mama's so freakin nasty, I talked to her over the PC and she gave me a virus.

-Yo M....ah, screw it...I actually love yo Mamma...she reminds me of this ads about girls on sites...cheap, dirty and you can play with her for hours.........

Yo Mama's So Smelly

-the government make her wear a Biohazard warning.

-she made Right Guard call for backup.

-even the dogs won't smell her.

-an old blind geezer walking by asked her 'yo, how much for the shrimp platter?"

-that when she spread her legs, I got seasick...

-she wiz playin in my Sand Box and the cat came along and buried her.

-her poo is glad to escape.

-that standing next to a skunk, the Skunko smells sweet!

-that the only dis I'm gonna give her is Disinfectent...

-that when you was being born, the doctor's and nurses all had to wear oxygen masks...

-even sewer rats get outta her way...

-that farmers use her bathwater as liquid fertilizer...


Yo Momma so Dirty

-she has to creep up on the bath water.

-that standin next to a tramp, she make the tramp look like a butler.

-that her house is so dirty I gotta wipe my feet before I go back outside.

-she lost 2 stone after taking a showerthat even the Swamp Thing insisted she showered.

-that Saddam Hussain tried to import her bath water to use as chemical weapons.


Yo Momma so Greasy

-Texaco buy oil from her.

-she got a job at the cinema - buttering popcorn with her leg hair...

-her freckles slipped off.

-the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry.

-she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forhead.

-her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

-she uses bacon as a band aid.

Yo Mama's Like

-a hardware store - only 10 cents a screw.

-a bus - only 50 pence a ride

-a 747 - a 3 man cock pit!

-a shotgun - first she cocks...then she blows.

-a Hoover - she sucks, blows, and finally gets laid back in the closet...

-a BT phonebox - on every damn corner and costs only 20p a go.

-an arcade machine - dirty, smelly, costs 20 pence and lasts 30 seconds.

-a door knob - cos everybody gets a turn!

-the sun - if you stare at her too long you're gonna go blind.

-a Christmas tree - everybody hangs balls on her.

-Pizza Hut - not there in 30 minutes...it's free.

-a Bowling Ball - she gets picked up, fingered, thrown into the gutter, yet she still comes back for more...

-a stamp - you lick her, then stick her, and finally then send her away.

-McDonalds ... Billions and Billions served...

-a railroad track - she gets laid all over the country.

-the Pillsbury dough boy - everybody loves to poke her.

-a Scooter - everybody ridin her but nobody admitting it.

-peanut butter -- oh so smooth, creamy, and easy to spread.

-is like an ATM machine - open 24 hours...

-like a 7-11...open 24 hours for your convenience...

-a chicken coop - cocks flyin in and out all day...

-a squirrel - she always got some nuts in her mouth...

-the Bermuda triangle...they swallow a whole lotta seamen.

-Penny...she ain't worth two bob.

-Library - open to the public.

-Blockbuster Video - everybody goes home happy.

-a birthday cake - everybody gets a piece...

-a fine restaraunt - she only take deliviries in rear...

Yo Mama Has Got

-has 10 fingers -- all on the same hand.

-has green hair and thinks she's a Tree.

-has a peanut butter wig with jelly sideburns.

-has wooden boobs and breast feeds beavershas one short leg and that why she always walking in circles...

-has a major weight problem - she can't wait...to eat.

-got a house that's so dusty, the Cockroaches drive around in Dune Buggiesgot a glass eye with a fish in it.

-got so much hair on her upper lip she has to braid itgot so much dandruff that a Midgie landed on her head and said: "Christ, I aint' seen this much snow in years."

-got so much hair on her chest that her Breasts remind me of Coconuts...

-is a carpenter's dream - flat as a board and so easy to nail...

Yo Mama's So Old

-she left her purse on Noah's Ark.

-Jurassic Park brought back the memories...

-when she ran the 100 metre dash, they timed her with a sundial.

-she still owes Moses a dollar.when she was at school...

-there was No history class!she uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Teashe co-wrote the 4th Commandment.

-when I asked for her ID she handed me a rockshe even made Yoda jealous.

-she recalls when the Grand Canyon was a ditch.the fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cakewhen she gave birth, You came out with Dentures.

-she sat in front of Jesus in 1st gradeher first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.

-her birthday expired.

-when Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo momma fishing on the other side!

-she got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.

Yo Mama's So Poor

-that your family ate Cornflakes with a fork to save milk.

-they put her photo on food stamps.

-when I visited her trailer, 2 cockroaches tripped me and a Rat tried to steal me wallet.

-she waves an ice lolly around and calls it Air conditioning.

-burglars break into her home and leave money.

-when I told her about the last supper she thought the food stamps had run out.

-the building society repossed her cardboard box.

-she watches television on an Etch-A-Sketch.

-each night she goes to KFC to lick other folk's fingersshe can't even afford to go to the free clinic.

-when I saw her kickin a can down the road I asked her what she was doing....'Moving' she replied.

-I caught her trying to use food stamps in the Gobstopper machine.

-when I rang her doorbell, SHE said 'Ding-Dong'

-I asked her where the 'facilities were' and she replied - "Pick a corner...ANY corner..."

-I visited her house, tore down the cob webs and she screamed - "Who's tearing down the drapes!!!!"

-I walked into her home, asked if I could use her toilet, and she said "Sure thing, it's 4th tree on your right..."

-only time she smelled Hot Food was when a rich bloke farted...

-when I saw her wobbling down the street with 1 shoe, I hollered - "Lost a shoe?", and she said - "Nope...just found one..."

-she hangs the Toilet paper out to dry.

-closest thing to a car she owns is a low-riding Shopping trolley....with a box on it...

-she had to take out a second mortgage on her cardboard box.

-I went into her 'living room', stepped on a Fag butt and she shouted - "Oi, who turned off the heater!"

-I once threw a stone at a garbage can, and out she popped saying - "Who knocked???"

-I went through her front door and tripped over the back fence.

-she does drive by shootings on the school bus.

-when she asked me over to dinner I took a paper plate from the kitchen and she groule - "Don't use the good china"

-Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!!

-Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box!

-Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

-Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

-Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

-Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

-Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

-Yo Momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r.

-Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

-Yo Momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

-Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

-Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!!!

-Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

-Yo Momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

-Yo Momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

-Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

-Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food
stamps.

-Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

-Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut.

-Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

-Yo Momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

-Yo Momma so poor you go out for sunday pushes of the skateboard Do you know the story
about the little old woman that lives in a shoe?

-Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop!

-Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.

-Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch,
and dinner!"

-Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."

-Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet!

Yo Mama's So Fat

-when she step on the Weight Scales it says...'to be continued'...

-she once went on a seafood diet...whenever she saw food she ate it!

-folk exercise by jogging around her!

-when she bends over, we enter Daylight Saving Time.

-she sat on a Nintendo Gamecube and it turned into a gameboy.

-she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie

-NASA plan to use her to shore up the hole in the Ozone layer.

-she was measured at 38-26-36 and that was just the left arm...small objects orbit her.

-she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

-when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

-when she farted she launched herself into orbit.

-she lost a game at Hide&Seek only cos I spotted her...behind Mount Everest.

-when I had to swerve to avoid hitting her on the road I ran out of Petrol!

-she could be the eighth continent.

-she nearly put Safeway out of businessthe only thing that's attracted to her is gravity.

-her Uni graduation photo was an aerial

-when she auditioned for a part in Raiders of the Lost Ark she got the part of the big Rolling Ball.

-she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.

-her fave food is seconds.her belt size is Equator.

-she eats Desert out of a Trash Can lidshe wears an 'X' jacket and Copters attempt to land on hershe shows up on radar.

-she needs a map to find her butt.

-she fell into the Grand Canyon....and got stuck!

-she wears an asteroid belt.

-her Passport photo says 'Picture is continued overleaf'

-she has TB ... 2 bellys.

-she's once, twice, three times a lady.

-she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.

-the circus use her as a trampoline.

-stunt agencies use her as an air mattress.

-when she opens the Fridge it says - 'I give up...'

-she got a new gig at the Cinema...she works as the screen.

-she once told me 'I could eat a horse'...believe me, she wasn't kidding!

-she deep fries her toothpaste.

-So fat she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt!

-Yo Momma so fat, they call her WIDE 2K!

-Yo Momma so fat, she lays in the driveway to put on her underwear.

-Yo Momma so fat, when the house burned down we had to use her underwear for a tent.

-Yo Momma so fat, her picture takes two frames.

-Yo Momma so fat, when I yell "Kool-Aid," she comes crashing through the wall.

-Yo Momma so fat, she could sell shade.

-Yo Momma so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she crosses the street, cars look out for her.

-Yo Momma so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

-Yo Momma so fat, we ran around her twice and got lost.

-Yo Momma so fat, I gotta take ten steps back just to see all of her.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she goes to the circus she takes up all the rings.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she works at the movie theater, she works as the screen.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she runs she makes the CD player skip... at the radio station.Y

-o Momma so fat, at the zoo, the elephants started throwing her peanuts.

-Yo Momma so fat, "Place Your Ad Here" is printed on each of her butt cheeks.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she wears heels, they're flats by the afternoon.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she leaves the beach everybody shouts "The coast is clear."

-Yo Momma so fat, she shops for clothes in the local tent shop.

-Yo Momma so fat, when she stepped on a train track, the warning lights went on.

Yo Mama's So Stupid

-she kills a bird by throwing it from the cliff!!

-she kills a fish by drownling it!!

-I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

-she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winnershe took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

-she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

-it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

-when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

-she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

-she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

-she sold her Car for Petrol cash!she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

-she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

-she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

-she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

-I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

-it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

-she invented a silent car alarm.

-that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the oceanshe really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

-she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

-she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

-she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

-she lost her shadow.she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

-she somehow got fired from a Blow-Jobshe thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

-she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

-when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

Yo's ---- So Ugly

-Yo Poppa so ugly he turned Medusa to Stone.

-Yo Postman so freakin ugly he made the guard dogs sh*t themselves.

-Yo Dentist so ugly they don't need anasthetics.

-Yo Boss so ugly people go as him for halloween.

-Yo Priest so ugly that he have to give his Sermon from inside the Confessional Box.

-Yo Teacher so ugly when she walks into the Building Society they turn off the CCTV cameras.

-Yo Sister so Ugly that George Lucas cast her in Star Wars 3 as Jabbas wife - without the need for a costume.

-Your kid bro so ugly that for Halloween he tricks or treats on his mobile phone!

-Your Kid sister so damn ugly that when she sits on a sand dune at the beach, the cats try to bury her.

-You cousin so ugly that when he threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

-Yo Driving Instructor's so ugly he has to wear a ski-mask when teaching.

-Yo Mother-in-law so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.

-Your Girlfriend's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!

-Yo Girlfriend so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!

-Yo' Father in law so ugly that his American Express card left home without him...

-Yo Sister's so ugly that she must been conceived on the Motorway - ain't that where most accidents happen?

-Yo Dog walker so ugly that he once took your Mutt to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...

-Your sister-in-law so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.

-Yo Father's so ugly his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.

-You Grandma's so Ugly her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.

-Your Grandpa so freakin ugly that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.

-Yo' Mum so ugli that even Prince Charming refuses to kiss her - he'd rather live as a frog.

-Yo older sister so ugly that Mommy had to feed her with a fishing rod.

-Yo Uncle so astonishingly ugly that whenever he comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.

-Your Dog's so ugly as yo Momma that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...

-Yo mama's so ugly, hold on....you got a mirror handy???

-Yo Mama's sister so ugly that Blind men refuse to have sex with her.

-Yo Uncle so ugly, Spielberg wants him in Addams Family 3Your kid so ugly the Doctor is STILL smacking his ass.

-Yo Mother in law so hellishly ugly, that president George W Bush is considering making ugliness a crime, punishable by the electric chair.

-Yo Momma's so ugly that she hurt my feelings...

-Your doctor's so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!

-Yo Poppa so stupid he studied for a Dope test!

-Yo Postman so stupid that on his recorded delivery form where it says 'Don't write below dotted line', he puts 'OK'

-Yo teacher so stupid she booked herself into the Bettie Ford clinic cos she thought she was Hooked On Phonics.

-Yo Boss so stupid he bought everybody in the department solar powered flashlights incase of a blackout...

-Yo Business associate so stupid he thought Gangrene was another golf course.

-Your Kid Sister so damn stupid she put your puppy in the oven to make a Hot Dog.

-Yo' Sister is so insanely stupid that last week she asked me to go to the lost and found with her when she missed her period.

-Yo Dentist so stupid he uses mayonnaise as tooth filler.

-Yo Sister so dumb that she thought Taco Bell was Mexican phone company.

-Your Grandpa so achingly stupid he think Beirut is a famous baseballer.

-Your kid bro so stupid he try to strangle himself with his mobile phone.

-Yo Minister so stupid he gives Sermons on Genesis....Phil Collins old band...

-Your Kid sister so damn stupid she stands up on an empty School bus.

-Yo Mom so stupid that Oxford had to change the definition of Dumb...it now read: Dumb(n) - yo' Mama

-Yo Burglar so stupid he broke into yo house and stole food stamps.

-You cousin so stupid I told him to take out the garbage...so he moved house...

-Yo Bus driver so stupid that she went to Disneyworld, saw a sign that said "Disneyworld Left" so drove home.

-Yo Politics professor so stupid he ask George W Bush to guest lecture on Government 101.

-Yo' accountant so darn stupid he thinks a Quarterback is an income tax refund.

-Your Computer Repairman so stupid he picks up your floppy's with magnets.

-Yo Mother-in-law so stupid, she won first place in the Dan Quale spelling contest.

-Yo Archeology Professor so damn stupid they have to dig for her IQ!

-Yo Girlfriend so stupid, she teaches night classes at Stupid College.

-Yo' Father in law so idiotic that he took a spoon to the superbowl.

-Yo Sister's so stupid she could trip over a cordless telephone.

-Yo Dog walker so stupid he took yo pet dog to the Clippers game to get him a haircut.

-Your Big Sister so god awfully stupid that they had to burn her school down just to get her out of 3rd grade.

-Yo Father's so freakin stupid he has 1 toe on each foot, yet he just bought himself a pair of flip flops.

-Yo Grandma's so stupid when I tell her it's chilly outside, she goes to fetch a bowl.

-Your Grandpa so freakin stupid he sent me a fax with a 1st class stamp on it!

-Yo BT Telephone repairman so freakin stupid he asked me what the number for 999 was...

-Yo girlfriend so stupid when her Apple Mac says 'You've got mail" she runs outside to wait for the Postman.

Yo Uncle so astonishingly stupid that he thought Nestle Cheerio's were a new type of Donut Seed.

-Yo Auntie so dumb her weekly shopping list consist of 1 item - 'Hundreds and thousands'.

-Your Dog's so stupid he bury's his own tail.

-Yo mama's so stupid, wait...she had you didn't she!.

-Yo Mother in law so stupid I saw her in Safeway's frozen food section with a fishing rod.

-Yo Uncle so stupid...heck, he marry your Auntie for christ sake!

-Yo Priest so stupid I saw him worshiping at the feet of David Copperfield.

-Yo Reverand so stupid he asks David Ike for advice.

-Yo Grannie so dumb she go to the 24-hr convenience store and asks what time do they close...

-Yo Mother in law so hellishly stupid, that Tony Blair is considering making dumbness a crime, punishable by lethal injection.

-Your doctor's so stupid he uses his mp3 player as a stethoscope.

Yo Mama's So Ugly

-she put the Boogie man outta business.



-she make Michael Jackson look like Brad Pitt.



-when she wobbles down the street in September, folk say, "Damn it, can't believe it's Halloween already...".



-when she applied for the ugly contest they told her 'NO Professionals'.



-she looked out her window and was arrested for indecent exposure!.



-minutes after she was born her Mother shouted 'What a treasure!" and her Poppa said "Yes, now let's go and bury her...".



-they push her face into the dough mixture when making Monster cookies.



-when they took her to the Beautician it took 10 hours....and that was just for the quote!



-yer Daddy takes her to work each day so he doesny have to kiss her goodbye...



-she put Marilyn Manson out of business.



-she was a guard at Snake Mountainthey knew what time she was born cuz her face stopped the clock...



-even Harry Knowles refused to date her.



-they embalmed her face on a box of super-strength laxatives and sold it empty!



-she gets 364 extra days just to dress up for Halloween.



-Tony Blair moved Halloween to her birthday.



-you papa throws the ugly stick and she goes fetches it every time.



-she scared the stitching outta Frankenstein.



-we had to tie a steak round her neck so the dogs would play with her.



-I heard yer Father first met her at the Zoo.



-her shadow gave up.



-people at the Zoo pay cash so they DON't have to see her...



-her mom had to be Pissed drunk just to breast feed her.



-when born, the doctors had to fit her incubator with tinted windows.



-hotel managers use her picture to keep away the Rats.



-instead of round the ankles, they put the Bungee Jumping cord round her neck.



-they gave her a middle name...'accident'.



-she fell out of the Ugly Tree, hitting every branch on the way down.



-when she walked into the Haunted House, she came back out with a Job Application!



-even Slicky Willy Clinton refused to sleep with her...



-when she was born the Doc smacked her face.